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Unfortunately, the stigma around mental illness means that many students don’t seek help. Seriously, when I first heard someone say that, I thought it was a joke. One guy said it was because there were a lot more women than men in his program. And a third fellow said it was because people work on similar projects and automatically have common interests.
And because many advisers think that stress, anxiety, and feeling overwhelmed (all potential signs of something more serious) are a normal part of grad school, they are often reluctant to suggest students seek help. It might be a joke, but it’s one that reveals certain heteronormative gender expectations. I simply did not hear this piece of advice directed at me as a woman.
Like those family-oriented tales of murder and vengeance (and, yes, teen romance), academic feuds can inflict wounds on generations of scholars, including early-career graduate students.
Over the past decade and change, I’ve seen all kinds of feud-oriented actions: professors who discourage students from taking courses relevant to their research because the other professor is an enemy; administrators who intervene by prohibiting warring parties from being in the same room (and thus negatively affecting students who have both professors on their dissertation committees); and lots and lots of sniping to students about how Professor So-and-So’s theoretical framework in his article is faulty because he sucks as a human being. It can give a new student an immediate sense of belonging, something that grad school doesn’t offer easily. But in the long run, this gets you nowhere, and it will probably turn you into a total asshole. Evaluate ideas based on merit, not on who’s speaking.
"By what authority does the university become the arbiter of romantic etiquette among consenting adults?
I think the unspoken motivation is the concern that romance gone awry will lead to costly civil litigation.
Within academe, there’s a huge stigma around mental health issues such as depression, schizophrenia, or bipolar disorder.Better advice: If you are feeling depressed or overwhelmed, contact your university’s counseling center. Instead, I received somewhat different advice from women who’d been to grad school: Only date someone in grad school if you think you will be in a long-term relationship with them.They may be more oriented toward undergraduates, but they can often help you find the right sources of help. Otherwise, you could get a “reputation” around the department. Better advice: Do not treat graduate school as a dating pool in which you are a shark and everyone else is a tasty tuna.To cut out that possibility, universities prohibit the relationship in the first place." Before you have surgery, you sign a release form saying you are aware of the risks and you waive your rights to hold the surgeon and hospital at fault, Abramson noted.He advocates a similar "love release," which faculty and students would read and sign and which protects the university while allowing people to make romantic choices based on conscience.Must judges and senators be romantically involved only with people of similar status? But if a 22-year-old graduate student gets involved with a 24-year-old teaching assistant or a 28-year-old assistant professor, and I think that's much more likely, that relationship is also prohibited by university policy." Why do companies have such policies? Universities, in contrast, generally present the policies as an attempt to prevent status abuse, he said.